Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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