We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
