Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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