Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
