just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
