I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
