i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dignity is for republicans.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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