I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
