Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
