Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
