hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
