i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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