Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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