Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
