My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
