I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
