lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
