i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
