The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
