She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm too high and old for this...
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