It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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