Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
