If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
