Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
