I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
