Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
