can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
