Midget sex pt 2 tonight
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
