K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
