Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
