I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
