I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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