I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize