i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
