You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
