Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
