I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
