you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
