I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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