You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
