In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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