I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
