At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
