Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
