You're completely useless in the revolution.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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