I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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