I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
