Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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