Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
