when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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