remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
