my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
