Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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