please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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