Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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