Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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