never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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