So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He shit in the fireplace
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
